Prayer for Healing

Today I sent off for a weeks worth of more tests. I am supposed to go in for a 3 hour IGF-1 test as well. I think I may have to do that when I get back from Africa. 

Cushings is such a killer disease. It takes so much wuality of life away from you. I have been surviving off of a butt load of vitamins for pain and energy. I don’t want any meds if I don’t have to take them. So prior to them identifying exactly where my tumor is growing I will be supplementing.  

I pray God will help drs see where the growth is and catch this fast so I dont have to suffer another year. I just want surgery and recovery to start. But its not that simple. 

Ease pray God will keep me healthy in Africa. Please pray he will give me continued energy and that when I get back my testing process will go fast and I will get to see the right dr to scehdule my scans and surgery. 

In the mean time I will focus on rest, vitamins, and prayer. 

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Africa

It’s been awhile since I have posted. I have been focused on enjoying life, taking things in, and loving on people. 

God’s been guiding me through some growth within myself. I feel like I’m always finding out new things about myself and how God can guide me through those things.  

Anyway, onto the fun stuff!  

Months ago I saw a post on FB regarding a missions trip to Africa. It got my hopes up. It put a stirring inside of me that hasn’t been there in awhile. I jumped on it and started to get information regarding the trip (Knowing in the back of my mind that God had told me years prior I would be traveling there.) I had this feeling within me that this may be it! When I received the info it seemed too impossible.  

I had just started a new job in a new state. I didn't know many people to help out with kids while I'd be gone since my hubby worked a million hours a day and odd hours. Plus, health stuff. 

I got the information and I wrote a letter to my new job with the info attached. It had to go through a process of people to be approved, some I did not know. Then I waited...and waited...and waited...still nothing. 

The team started planning and I wasn’t able to participate in planning because all odds seemed against me. I had a long talk with my grandma and had decided to just let it be. I told God it was up to him and if he wanted me to go he would find a way, if he didn’t, I accepted it.  I let go. I let him be in control of the situation.

Last week my job told me that my vacation had been approved. I was in shock. I didn't know what to think because I honestly thought that it was not happening for me. I texted my friend who is going and told her. She immediately told me to contact the lead missionary. I did and she said a funny thing happened where she couldn't purchase the rest of the tickets until the next day. WHAT???????????? So, I had to get back to her quickly with an answer. I now had to figure out my childcare situation in less than a day. My husband was offered his new job which he started and his hours are around our kids schedules. They also told him that they are off for the weeks that we are gone...WHHHHHAAAAATTTT????? God was up to something. 

I called her back and told her yes! I am going! So working through the small details as well (regarding things prior to traveling out of country) God has taken care of EVERYTHING! I AM BLESSED! The place we are going has actually asked for someone to focus on women's ministry. My heart and passion is women's ministry and missions work. I'm crying just thinking of how amazing God is to me. How he blessed me with this gift. How he trusts me to do his will. How he has guided me, taught me, gave me grace to grow, and has helped me understand his people and their needs. 

You guys! I'm going to AFRICA!

I can't wait to see what he has in store for us. I can already see the impossible become possible with what he has pulled off in such a short period of time.

Pray for us. Pray for our 16 hour flights, pray for our health, pray for us while we prepare our hearts and minds for another mission. Pray for our hearts as we come back to the states, its a hard transition. Pray for the whole experience, that God shows up in impossible ways. Let him be seen in a way that they understand. Pray for protection and pray for joyful spirits. Thank you everyone for your support!

Letting Go of What Was

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 💜💜February💜💜

Letting go of what WAS and accepting what IS.

In the month of February I really learned how to let go of what WAS and accept what IS...right now. I learned that God put strong confident women in my life the past few years to build me up and create in me a confidence that nothing can shake. Without the experiences I went thru I probably wouldn't be as confident with myself as I am with my condition right now. Modeling with amazing Plus size gorgeous women helped me see my beauty, my true beauty, my true worth. I gained loving mySELF in my true authentic self in the physical, emotional, and spiritual forms.

I see women struggling everyday with their looks or this false sense of what they should look and be like. I keep hearing..gotta get that bikini body ready. Lol. Oh how I giggle at that right now. I giggle because I too used to think that way. But when you come to a place in your life where you realize all of that doesn't truly matter...that there are things so much more important that matter and should have your focus. 

Anyway, I learned to let go of what WAS, all the good and all the bad, while I focus on what IS right now. Right now, I am in a "special season" in my life where God has restored so much. Where God is building and creating so much around me and in me. God is stirring and working on things I've never experienced before. Right now life IS:

💜Meditating

💜Listening deeply to God

💜Listening to my #body

💜spending #QUALITY time with my family

💜Experiencing LIFE in NEW and BIG ways, quietly. .

💜Deep conversations with my #daughter

💜Finding love in a whole new way

💜Listening to the whispers God is sending my heart

💜Being Alive

The life I used to know is gone. The pains, the loves, the journeys, they were, they are, but I am creating a new IS. My IS is so deep, full of passion to love in so many ways, IS to focus on all I have accumulated spiritually and emotionally over the years and create something NEW. #comealive

2018 is dedicated to letting go and letting #God work in me so deep that I see everything on a whole new level again.

#levelupspiritually

God has delivered me from so much and has built me up into this person I am happy with. A person who will constantly learn and move and grow in him. 

LET GO. Move forward. Theres something New and Amazing ahead of you💜

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#beginning #lettinggo #2018 #passion #dreams #fulloflife #creation #people #heart #spirit #soul #positivity

Brokenness Cultivates Growth

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Hey you.

Have you ever felt broken? Have you ever felt so much pain that you don't know what to do next? So much pain that you are crying on the floor until you either run out of tears or you fall asleep?

Have you made it to the point of restoration from that pain? If you haven't, you will. Not only will that point of restoration bring healing, but the journey to get there is a journey of choices for you.

💜You get to choose when you want to start the process of healing.

💜You get to choose your way of grieving your loss.

💜You get to choose if it will be a path of destruction or a path of growth. Or both.

💜You get to choose who is part of that process.

💜You get to choose when to love, forgive, accept, move forward, and enjoy life again.

Brokenness, we can let it steal from us, or we can use it as a tool for growth; part of our process to get to the next level of self.

💜When we choose to move forward in the healing process, we WIN.

💜When we move forward in the grieving process, we WIN.

💜When we choose to use this pain as a tool to growing, we WIN.

YOU WILL NOT BE DEFEATED.

YOU WILL BE RESTORED.

YOU WILL BE CHANGED.

If you can process the pain. If you can love beyond the brokenness. You can do anything.

I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU.

Brokenness Cultivates Growth


#brokennesscultivatesgrowth #love #life #live #forward #cultivate #sisterl0ve #sisterlove #writer #writersofinstagram #writes #read #blog #blogger #inspire #hope #positivity #mentalhealth #growth #grow #wellness #mom #wife #relationships #friends #huffpostwomen #spiritual #selfmagazine #oprahmagazine #huffingtonpost

I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE

Remember when you were a kid and you fidn't want to get into trouble for something you did? Do you remember blaming it on a sibling or friend so that you didn't have to take responsibikity for the actions you committed? 

Do you remember maybe doing the same thing as a teenager? Until the consequences were bigger? Maybe even in your young twenties until you realized that you started losing people in your life and the consequences were grand at this point.  

Or did you not learn from your mistakes? Do you still hold others responsible for your actions? Have you passed the behavior on to your children?  

There comes a point in your life where you have to take ownership for your actions. You cant set blame on others. You cant pass the buck because maybe you feel guilty or shame. Step up, step out, own up to your actions and grow from what you have done to what you can do now. No more pointing fingers and no more excuses. 

I still sometimes feel a tiny sense of ut oh when I admit my "failures" but I think that comes from childhood. I dont believe I am less of a person because I fail. I also dont think Im bad to admit when I fail. It is actually freeing and powerful.  

I screw up in life, in work I do, in relationships I have, but I will admit it. I will always take ownership over what I have done. 

Growth is moving forward. Growth is coming out of what is comfortable and into vulnerability. Find those people. Live there for awhile. Don't continue to live in one place for a long time emotionally or spiritually.  Don't stay around people who can't own up to their mistakes. They will drag you back there. And you dont live there anymore.

 

#beatruthteller

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Letting go:FEAR

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2018 is my year of LETTING GO.

January of 2018 I spent time focusing on being present in Gods spirit. He was able to show me when the spirit of fear would try and take over. I would be praying daily, I would be praying prior, in the midst of where I thought fear may reign, and praying in thankfulness after.

I learned fear can grab hold if you let it, it can try and take up space and make a home in you if you let it. It can start wandering into different rooms of your heart if you let it. Pretty soon it can take over.

But if you put your foot down, if you claim your space, if you claim your authority in Christ, it doesn't have to take up space. It doesn't even have to be allowed to enter.

I took the time to focus on how to LET GO of fear. God will come through, he always does. Instead of focusing on the fear, focus on God, he will show you its ultimately nothing compared to what he will do and is doing in that moment.

I pray whoever reads this that God will show them how to remove fear. How to not let it take up space in their world. I pray removal of the spirit of fear in you. I pray that you will be able to remove fear in failure, remove fear in what the future holds, remove fear of health concerns, remove fear in being alone, remove fear of relational issues. God will heal, God will preserve. God is with you.


LET GO


#write #writersofinstagram #blog #blogger #selflove #selfmagazine #huffpostwomen #women #heal #god #grace #fear #positive #healing #positivity #newyear #letgo #nofear #inspire #hope #love #dallas #speaker #read #article #magazine #kindredmom #live  #wellness #mentalhealth

More tests

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Hey loves...So I finally got in to see my new Endocrinologist/Specialist.

Let me Start by saying, fight for yourself. Ive been fighting through doctors who don't understand the diagnosis so they put the blame on the patient. I went theough so many "just exercise more and eat less", or "its just stress you need to do more sef care". Im sure you have heard the lame answers. Im sure you get frustrated. But SONT STOP FIGHTING TIL you get answers.

Ive known sometging waswrong with me for awhile and doctors told me pcos, they told me thyroid, they told me its lack of exercise(lol) they told me whatever they wanted to tell me to push me out, rotate in the next patient, and get paid. They didnt HEAR ME. When they dont HEAR YOU, speak louder, keep speaking until someone listens. 

I went online and found a few Cushings groups. After about 6 months and a move to a bigger city, I found a group of local women who have A tumor as well and were able to direct me to a specialist. They even fought for me to get in in the same month I found them! Because I DIDNT STOP FIGHTING FOR ME.  

I went into Dallas and saw him. He was very nice, very calm, and very imformative. He we t through everything we will be doing. The whole process (from testing to surgery) and answered all my questions. He ordered the tests we needed to move forward and I should be done with those next week. It takes about a week to get those results and then we will go from there. 

Im sooo thankful for pushing myself to keep researching, to keep searching for someone who could help me.  

I met this amazing lady who has this blog: https://cushingsmoxie.blogspot.com/?m=1

she has helped so many of us in advocating for our health. She is in the Texas area. The main specialist who knows everything about everything cushings disease is in LA. His name is Dr Friedman and his website is http://goodhormonehealth.com/ 

If you need info on Brain tumors or adrenal tumors and cushings, please lwt me know and I will give you info I have or direct you to someone with more info.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

 

 

FREEDOM

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What can you free yourself from today?

Fear?

Rejection?

Anxiety?

Bondage?

Addiction?

Self destruction?

False Identity?

Unhealthy relationships?

 

What have you let take control of your life? You have the authority to FREE yourself from it!


Anyone reading this that needs #freedom from something, I pray God hear you, help you, and that you can hear that still soft voice directing you.

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#write #writing #blog #blogger #journey #love #live #life #photooftheday #beauty #beautiful #grace #family #friends  #writer  #mom #photo  #goals #dreams #transformation #smile #change  #huffingtonpost #buzzfeed #freedom #wellness #mentalhealth

The Real Growth Is In Letting Go.

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In 2018, I plan on letting things go. I think sometimes we hold onto things too long that have hurt or pained us in the past. There is a difference in taking time to process and taking too much time to let something hold you back.

Internal bruising or scars can keep us from moving forward. It is damaging to our growth to hold on to things and let them fester. Continuously thinking of the negative, creates a life focused on negativity.  

Sometimes we have to let go of the things people said, let go of the things people did, let go of the future we thought was ahead of us, and move forward. This is just a detour. This doesnt mean life is over. This doesnt mean life cannot be amazing again. This does not mean life stops here. Life keeps going. You need to keep going. Keep going. 

You have the power to decide what will hold you back. You have the power to decode what will propel you forward. YOU ARE THAT POWER.  

Choose letting go. Grow Forward.  

Curves Beautifully Empowered

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I am excited to be part of the Inspirational Speaker Panel for Curves Beautifully Empowered. There will be amazing speakers, time to come together as women and support each other. This will be an event to uplift each other, share stories, and bring home tools for life and a renewed spirit. 

Make sure to gwt your tickets at www.kimberlyjwalker.com

 

see you next weekend!